Dear Mrs Fenton,

I'm suing that hypnotist. Ever since me and
Denise went to see him in the Queen Anne at
the 'Gala Night of Stars' (featuring the Nolan
Sisters minus the famous one and Little and
Large) I have been addicted to guerkins.
I bet I am the only man in Beswick who throws
away the bun and burger and eats the bloody
guerkin!!!
And another thing, everytime i hear the word
'hello' i have this overwhelming urge to bark
and growl like a dog.
Please explain to fat Janice on reception
that it wasn't a nuisance caller on the phone,
it was me. And can you ask her to say 'hi
Beswick housing' next time she answers it?.
I've barked and growled meself hoarse.
The worst thing is that once i start howling
then the eleven whippets, seven kids and five
pups all join in.

LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON

Dear All,

Dib dob, dib dob.
This winter on Beswick Common we are
pitching marquees and having a disco
on the feast of the rancid goat.
This is to be a Shakespearean themed
fun day and we are calling it 'The Winter
Of Our Disco Tents'.
So don those shorts, wave those woggles
and gin-gan-get yerself down there on the
day!!!
Old campers never die they just peg out.

LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON