Dear Mr O'Reilly,

I am back in the area and i am writing to ask
can i make some general improvements to
my home?
My number one priority is to chop up me
kitchen units an make me whippets an all
weather kennel. I would also like to take off
all the internal doors and make a pigeon loft.
I could also do with four gallon of light blue
paint to paint the back yard. This may not
look like an improvement to the naked eye
but i can assure you when viewed from a
plane it gives the impression of an outside
swimming pool.
I also note from my nocturnal wanderings
tht No25 haven't converted their loft, so
i thought pre-empt them and knock through
(he who dares wins as it says in the highway
code). I would create ample room for an
indoors bowls pitch.
Seven rolls of roof felt would serve as the
green

LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON
(JOGGIN FOR JESUS
SURFIN AGAINST SIN)

Dear Mr O'Reilly,

Me and my Denise were watchin a
programme on channel four about
the male sperm. In it it said that to be
born your dad's sperm had to win a race
against fifty million other sperms to fertilise
the egg. If this is so how come fat people
have babies? Surely their sperms
couldn't win no race.
Denise said write in and ask you, she said
'they bog trotters know lots of things'
So if you could word me to the wise
i'd appreciate it. I wouldn't want to be
making a fool of meself if it came up on
darts night in the big Bradford
LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON