Dear Mr O'Reilly,

My Denise told me to write in an tell you that she
is 'as happy as Gary Glitter stuck in a lift with
the St Winifred's school choir'. Yes oh yes oh yes
the new aliminium sink has arrived and is fitted
(between me and you the old one is in Moore's
Metals).
The new one is the buisness, just the right height
for a bit of late night pot washing, if you get my
drift. You're a man of the world Mr O'Reilly when
nature calls and that we've all got to answer.
Mind back in the old country it's a shovel and a
hole. Not knocking the old ways but when i've got a
jumbo in the departure lounge i need more
than this window box to have a dump in. No
there's a lot to be said for western civilisation and
an infra structure that does away with a bucket
under the bed.
Anyway me and Denise are just waiting for the
glue to dry on the flashback tiling and then we
are going to christan the sink
LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON

P.S. Is Mrs Fenton an Aries?

Dear All,

Festive greetings.
We're doing a traditional nativity play at the
Beswick Branch of the Church of the Burning Bush
this year. It wasn't easy to cast as three wise men
and a virgin are a bit thin on the ground round
here (definition of a virgin in Beswick is any 12
year old that can out run her Dad).
We got round the problem by changing the
characterisation of the three wise men to the
three smart arses and Audrey Davenport has
agreed to play the virgin from memory
(apparently she has a very good one).
We've had a bit of bad luck at the Silent
Brothers of Clayton Bridge monestry- it burnt
down. Brother Retford Bwandigwi didn't dimp
a herbal properly and it went up like a cardboard
poker. It took the fire brigade three hours to
arrive mainly due to the fact that the silent
brothers sent for them via semiphore. I got the
signals wrong and ordered a pizza.
LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON

P.S......In a mood of Christian fellowship I plan
to visit Prestwich pysciatric hospital and paint
'God rest ye Bury mentlemen' on the wall
outside