Any news on the cake front?
Denise says you probably don't have
them in the old country.
LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON
Tuesday 14 July 2009
Dear All,
Sorry i haven't written earlir but i have
been the victim of an injustice that
rivals the Guilford four, Jackson five
and Birmingham six. I am the Beswick
one. Wrongly jailed for possession of
an illegal substance (i thought it was
icing sugar when i bought it).
Incarcerated in a Dickensian prison
(which reminds me if you're in over
christmas don't offer to play the female
lead in panto). Forced to endure a
degradin dtrip search (Doctor? more
like a soil anaylist the length of time
he spent on me dirt box).
Made to share a cell the size of a
billiard table with two hard bitten phyco's
from the wrong side of the tracks. My
dazzling good looks a curse to my every
waking moment, till Big Jake took me
under his wing (if you give Jake a
thousand pound he'll kill a man an if you
give him two grand then you get to
choose who).
Every thursday the horrible futile terror
of another visit from lord longford.
The silent empty days countin the hours
Staring at the barbaric bars. The clang
of the wrought iron doors echoing down
the lonely forgotten corridoors. The bare
aching brick and rotten mortar. The
haunted screams in the night as men
grapple with their conscience and try to
come to terms with their soul. The
despairing rays of another meaningless
morning. The shrill hollow laugh of
the jailer as he un-locks the door and
shouts 'slop out', neatly placing a razor
blade on the table. A razor blade that
could take your worthless life and give
you the equalising pleasure of a certain
death. Death a state that would stop you
thinking about the hurt. The hurt your
loved ones feel. The hurt that rips at
your innards till you're not a man
anymore. Till you're nothing. Till you're
wasted, weary and worn. Till you're
battered, beaten and bewildrered. Till
you want to hold those cold bars and
push your head against the
uncomprimising bleakness and yell
'I am a man. I am a man. You can't
take away my individuality. You can't
crush my persona on the hard wheel
of your system. I will still hold my head
up high because I AM A MAN'
I'll tell you the worst seven days of my
life
LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON
been the victim of an injustice that
rivals the Guilford four, Jackson five
and Birmingham six. I am the Beswick
one. Wrongly jailed for possession of
an illegal substance (i thought it was
icing sugar when i bought it).
Incarcerated in a Dickensian prison
(which reminds me if you're in over
christmas don't offer to play the female
lead in panto). Forced to endure a
degradin dtrip search (Doctor? more
like a soil anaylist the length of time
he spent on me dirt box).
Made to share a cell the size of a
billiard table with two hard bitten phyco's
from the wrong side of the tracks. My
dazzling good looks a curse to my every
waking moment, till Big Jake took me
under his wing (if you give Jake a
thousand pound he'll kill a man an if you
give him two grand then you get to
choose who).
Every thursday the horrible futile terror
of another visit from lord longford.
The silent empty days countin the hours
Staring at the barbaric bars. The clang
of the wrought iron doors echoing down
the lonely forgotten corridoors. The bare
aching brick and rotten mortar. The
haunted screams in the night as men
grapple with their conscience and try to
come to terms with their soul. The
despairing rays of another meaningless
morning. The shrill hollow laugh of
the jailer as he un-locks the door and
shouts 'slop out', neatly placing a razor
blade on the table. A razor blade that
could take your worthless life and give
you the equalising pleasure of a certain
death. Death a state that would stop you
thinking about the hurt. The hurt your
loved ones feel. The hurt that rips at
your innards till you're not a man
anymore. Till you're nothing. Till you're
wasted, weary and worn. Till you're
battered, beaten and bewildrered. Till
you want to hold those cold bars and
push your head against the
uncomprimising bleakness and yell
'I am a man. I am a man. You can't
take away my individuality. You can't
crush my persona on the hard wheel
of your system. I will still hold my head
up high because I AM A MAN'
I'll tell you the worst seven days of my
life
LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON
Dear all,
Tis with great shame i write. I have just returned from Benidorm where one night drunk on the bigio berrio's i had a tattoo done. It was supposed to be just a simple tatto sayin 'I LOVE DENISE' in three inch letters across my chest enblazone on a background of a ram runnin rampant.
However second day of sunbathin an i noticed the ink had ran on the D an the second E hadn't taken. God was I embarresed! there i was lyin in me speedo's on the beach with 'I LOVE PENIS' tattooed on me chest.
That lifeguard was over friendly
LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON
However second day of sunbathin an i noticed the ink had ran on the D an the second E hadn't taken. God was I embarresed! there i was lyin in me speedo's on the beach with 'I LOVE PENIS' tattooed on me chest.
That lifeguard was over friendly
LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON
Dear Mrs Fenton,
I must appologise most profusely for my
non court attendence of the fiftheeth inst.
Unfortunatly the summons arrived somali
side up and i couldn't make head nor tail
of it. It was only a chance meeting in
in the back entry with Mrs Abbadugabi
that put me wide. I was putting out me
bin and she was slaughtering a neutered
goat.
'Bernard you soft eighpeth' she said
'you shuda bin there on the 15th'
So if you could re-arrange the court
date, not tuesday's that's darts.
LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON
non court attendence of the fiftheeth inst.
Unfortunatly the summons arrived somali
side up and i couldn't make head nor tail
of it. It was only a chance meeting in
in the back entry with Mrs Abbadugabi
that put me wide. I was putting out me
bin and she was slaughtering a neutered
goat.
'Bernard you soft eighpeth' she said
'you shuda bin there on the 15th'
So if you could re-arrange the court
date, not tuesday's that's darts.
LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON
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