Dear Mrs Fenton,

I really must complain about the upstairs
radiator in my bedroom not only is it impossible
to turn off but it makes a sound like a pig being
buggered (i worked at the abotoir, so i know
what i'm talking about).
Also the heat has been causing me severe
dehydration, this morning i woke up with
my throat as dry as mother theresa's love
tunnel.
The heat is so bad that i lie nude on top of my
bed, if you don't believe me call round, the key
is under the car battery on my step.

LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON

Dear All,

I have had a blinding revelation. The Holy Ghost
appeared to me in the vault of the big Bradford.
The apocalypse is at hand Beswick and Clayton
are to be twinned with Soddam and Gomorrah.
The rivers will rise up and the mountains touch
the ground.
Only people with the initials BW will survive. I
shall be King over the Bed Wetters, Bolton
Wanderers conquer Europe and Bill Wyman
gets to shag as many Battered Wives as he can
shake a stick at.

LOVE AND PEAACE
BERNARD WILSON

Dear Mr O'Reilly,

Do you like cake?
I know I do
LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON

Dear Mr O'Reilly,

Must tell you of an exciting new tenants
initiative Tenants In Debt Against Racism
We meet once a month at Mrs Carr's
house. Frank Davis does the vollivants; big
leroy does a poetry reading and Audrey
Davenport does her celebrated dance of
the seven army surplus war tarpoliums
Maureen O'Bungingwi is our president.
Our aim is to foster world peace and
international harmony while bumping
off licences
LOVE AND PEACE
BERNARD WILSON
DEBTOR'S AGAINST THE DEVIL
BUMPERS AGAINST BEELZEEBUB